Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Screaming Days

Picture by Shayne Gray

Some days, all you really want to do is scream or break down in tears, you know? Everything going wrong all around you with such consistency that you keep thinking it couldn't possibly get worse, but then it does, and it keeps getting worse. You try your hardest not to burst forth into the tears that are just behind your eyes, and would spring out if not for that next wrong thing that happens (distracting you from the tears) Just breathe, and remember that it could absolutely be much, much worse.

Even now, my fingers ache because the keys on my laptop stick so much from that cider spill a while back...I have to pound so hard on these keys even to type this. But I don't lose sight of that fact that even through the rain and the seemingly non-existent transit system, yes, it could be worse.

On my way to the hairdresser today, I got caught in downpour #1. No big deal really, I'm heading to the salon anyway. But I get my curly hair dry-cut, and now since it was no longer dry, my stylist decided to wash it first, and cut it wet. I need not really say any more than I didn't get a good cut today. But, no matter, it's only hair (but I really don't like it)

Photo by Shayne Gray

After the salon, I had to head to the tax office to drop off my taxes, decided not to walk up to the subway, but rather, wait for the streetcar. Wait and wait and wait...the blustery cold wind getting worse and worse, just keep telling myself to stay calm. If I had known it would take so long, I could have walked faster. Streetcar packed to the gills (of course) but I squeezed on best I could. It hit traffic and took a while to get down to my next stop...where I waited and waited and waited again. That same cold wind freezing my fingers beyond cold, and that's when I remembered that there are no streetcars on Dundas right now because of construction. But weren't there supposed to be busses? After 20 minutes of waiting, no bus in sight, and then the rain began to fall again. Downpour #2 and no bus in sight. This is about the moment I began to feel like I was going to cry, but instead of crying, I decided to walk in the cold, driving rain. The crying feeling wouldn't go away so I cranked up my iPod near as loud as it would go to drown out the frustration, hoping for an angry song to drown out my mood. Instead, a catchy, happy song came on which made me feel a little better.

At this point, my new, bad haircut was even more destroyed by the wind and rain making me feel even worse about myself. Trying to pull myself together (and still fighting off the frustration tears) I slipped on a wet, metal manhole cover. As I recovered, my mind went to the poor people in the war-torn country in the book I'm reading right now. At least I haven't lost my home or my family...it can always be worse so count your blessings (is what I kept telling myself) as I slipped again on yet another metal grate in the sidewalk.

Made it to the tax office, dropped off the package and just wanted to get home to practice my singing, and didn't I step in dog poo? Of course I did. I think I just need a nap or something, and have a dream of a perfect day.